The Collection of Funny Facebook Status Updates

1. This just in... Apple has just hired LeBron James to fix the iPhone problem signal!
2. knows how to stop the BP Oil leak from putting out... Just put a giant wedding ring on it!
3. says finally an iPhone killer... You're left hand!
4. says Hello ladies, look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. I’m on a horse.
5. sometimes runs up to strangers on the street and yells "YOU'RE IT!!" and then runs away.
6. is a little down since nobody wished her a happy birthday today, which isn't surprising really, since it isn't my birthday.
7. is wondering if you choke a smurf... what colour would he turn?
8. hates it when people say stuff in their status updates that you really didn't want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poo.
9. not only had to take his mom to the prom.. he had to pay her $20...
10. You f***ing do. You go out in public and it’s a f***ing embarrassment. You look like a f***ing bitch on heat.!@#$$@#$... SORRY Mel Gibson was updating my status update.
11. has breaking news.. many iPhone4 users are irrate that their wireless signal suddenly drops. Steve Jobs said the problem is in the software and recommends that they download the latest version of Apple's iDon'tcare.
12. 's Miami sources say, Lebron James is not signing with them anymore. He's going to stop the oil spill!! He is going to clog the pipes with his ego.